Design a Great Second Date

Good morning, Live Better than a Billionaire-a-Holics!

Are you feeling motivated this morning? I certainly hope so. I know that I am!

Did you ever have a great first date with someone and things fell apart after that?

Do you find yourself spending too much on second dates?

Are you having too few third dates?

Have you ever felt awkward on a second date?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, today's post can open up new doors for your dating relationships.

Many people dislike first dates . . . and have too many of them.

He or she is too tall, too thin, too wide, too talkative, too boring, too into themselves, too successful, too unsuccessful, too responsive, too unresponsive, too much like your sister, too much like your brother, and so on. You know the litany of flaws you regularly uncover in uncomfortable settings with a stranger.

You go on a lot of these dates. What a waste!

But then, just when you're about to think that it's hopeless, you meet someone . . . and it just clicks. Everything seems just right.

In an eager moment of enthusiasm, you quickly decide to ask for a second date (or to accept one). The world seems aglow.

Stop for a second and think. How can you have a great second date?

If you don't stop, you may end up having a second date that tears down what you enjoyed on the first date . . . and that may be the end of a promising beginning.

Here are some ideas to help you.

1. Use a few questions to find out what your date likes and doesn't like while you're on the first date.

Most people enjoy being asked about themselves. It's a good way to show respect and interest.

But you may be concerned that you will feel foolish trying to talk about that area. Let's say you ask someone what they like to do after work, and they begin to describe some rare from of kick boxing. Naturally, you don't know anything about kick boxing and the whole idea seems repulsive. Stop and ask another question. "Why do you like it so much?" Pretty soon, you'll be learning about them . . . and not kick boxing.

2. Suggest several different potential activities.

Clearly, there was chemistry on the first date . . . or you wouldn't be feeling so optimistic.

You can quickly spoil that chemistry by suggesting your favorite activity. What if your date doesn't like that activity?

Guys, lots of women don't really want to sit at home watching ESPN.

Gals, lots of men don't want to go shopping.

So pick alternatives that you like that you've seen other people like your date enjoy.

3. Bring a little gift affirms the other person.

Gift giving is tricky. There was a recent advertisement on television in which a man showed up for a first date and discovered that his date had cooked his favorite meal, knitted him quite a few items and arranged for him to meet her parents. You don't want to give the impression of overdoing it.

Small is beautiful. Thoughtful is even better.

Let's say that your date wore a top with daisies printed on it. Bring her a daisy. That gift says that you noticed her and liked what you saw.

Or your date drives a yellow VW. Bring him a tiny toy version that he can keep at work or home. That gift says that you noticed his taste in cars and agreed with his choice.

4. Plan a little, pleasing surprise.

Your date has mentioned that he likes to walk. As you drive to the concert, suggest parking a few blocks away in a nice area and walking the rest of the way. You'll both enjoy the exercise, and you won't be stuck in traffic for as long afterwards.

Your date has told you that she adores figurines. Find a store that has an interesting collection of her kind of figurines, and stop by for some window shopping during the date.

5. Be open to serendipity.

You're walking across a park and spot a playground. If you are both feeling playful, ask your date if he or she would like to swing for awhile.

Or you are near a river and sail boats appear. Ask your date if she or he would like to plop down and watch them sail for awhile.

6. Make your date feel comfortable.

Match their pace in walking, talking and gestures. If they are fast, be fast. If they are expansive, do the same. If they are languid, be languid.

This matched pacing will help them relax and be themselves.

I remember watching a famous celebrity couple in the Pierre hotel lobby in New York. Both were tall, lanky people. He walked at a pace faster than most people jog. She was literally trotting along on high heels and not keeping up. She looked out of breathe and a little frustrated. He looked oblivious. People Magazine reported that they broke up a few months later. I could see it coming.

7. If something happens that makes you feel uncomfortable, politely speak up.

A lot of second dates are ruined by having one person on the date suffer in silence. His new cologne is making her eyes water. Her desire to walk in the moonlight in an isolated area makes his skin crawl.

After you go on being uncomfortable for a long time, all you can think of is "How soon can I end this date?" Chances are your date would prefer that you speak up. He or she offered or accepted the date hoping that you would both have a good time.

8. Stay sober.

Few people are at their best when they are "stoned" or "smashed". The more you've ingested, the greater the likelihood that you are perceiving the other person in a daze . . . and missing the signals you are looking for.

Even worse, you can develop a pattern where you both abuse substances when you are together.

I once dated a woman who wanted to have contests for who could smoke the most cigarettes and drink the most martinis. That quickly became unpleasant and self-limiting. We stopped dating pretty quickly.

9. Give yourselves a chance to have a spiritual experience together.

If you are of the same faith, take in a fun activity associated with your church, temple or mosque. There's bound to be a prayer at some point.

If you don't know each other's faiths, consider talking about what you are thankful for. Or admiring nature. Or listening to the gentle surf.

10. Describe one of your dreams.

To get better acquainted, you have to share a little of yourself. It's pretty painless to talk about one of your dreams. Opening up in that way will give you a chance to begin to connect with one another at a deeper level.

Please add your comments about ways you have found to enjoy great second dates. I'm sure other readers will be grateful to you. Thanks!

Can any billionaire do better? I doubt it.

Billionaires usually feel the need to show off.

Show offs can get to be pretty boring.

I visited a billionaire once and was overwhelmed by his art collection. Realizing that he must be very proud of the collection, I engaged him in conversation about the collection. I heard a lot about his curator, the shows that he loaned the art out to and almost nothing about his collection. I quickly realized that the collection was just to impress people. He wasn't even interested in it . . . even though it is one of the best in the world. As soon as he was satisfied that I was impressed, he wandered off to get another drink looking bored. He would have been a lousy second date.

Use your advantage! Nobody expects you to spend a fortune, to own a fortune, to be perfect or to put forth a special effort. By presenting yourself positively and opening up the chance to get better acquainted by being considerate, you can almost always have a great second date.

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N.B. As you can tell, I'm experimenting with color. Let me know what you like and what I should change about my use of color. Many thanks to Linda Grace for her suggestions which I am following!

Please let me know what else you would like to learn, and I'll do my best to help in future blog entries.

Here are some upcoming subjects:

Tomorrow, we will visit Dr. Masaru Emoto again to explore his ideas for using Hado water to improve your health and the quality of your life.

Sunday, let's sit quietly and think about how prayer can enrich your Sundays.

On Monday, join me in looking at how blog writing can enrich your life better than a billionaire.

Tuesday, we'll look at how to enjoy your next (or first) cruise more.

On Wednesday, I'll share the story with you of the "accidental mansion owner" and I promise that you'll chuckle for days over this one.

Thursday, let's explore plans for a terrific Thanksgiving.

On Friday, I'll describe my fantastic visit to the University of Michigan-Penn State game in Ann Arbor and advise you on even more ways to enjoy college football.

Saturday, we'll sit back and relax with our favorite music . . . and gain new benefits in the process.

If you are new to this blog, be sure to check out the updated table of contents entry that I posted on October 26. The table of contents will help you find earlier entries that may be of interest. I'll update this table of contents every week or so for your convenience.

August 31 was the most frequently read blog entry to date. Be sure to check it out!

Thanks so much for your support of this blog. I'm delighted that so many tens of thousands of people have made this blog part of their regular reading habit!

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Check out the latest index at http://livebetterthanabillionaireon5dollars.blogspot.com/2005/10/latest-table-of-contents-to-this-blogs.html to pick out your choice.

Thank you to my many friends, students, clients and blog readers who are spreading the good word about this blog.

If you are visiting today because someone invited you, I'm delighted to meet you! Let's stay in touch.

Remember to also visit

Live Spiritually Better than a Billionaire at http://livespirituallybetterthanabillionaire.blogspot.com/,

Be More Successful than a Billionaire at http://bemoresuccessfulthanabillionaire.blogspot.com/,

Enjoy Mansions Better than a Billionaire at http://enjoymansionsbetterthanabillionaire.blogspot.com/,

Enjoy Football Better than a Billionaire at http://enjoyfootballbetterthanabillionaire.blogspot.com/ and

Be a World Hero Better than a Billionaire at http://beaworldherobetterthanabillionaire.blogspot.com/.

I offer individual on-line tutorials and in-person seminars on living better than a billionaire on five dollars extra a day, creating 2,000 percent solutions (20 times the results with the same effort), developing more profitable business models and designing strategies that work regardless of the business environment. For information, contact me at ultimatecompetitiveadvantage@yahoo.com.

I am available to you as a speaker on these subjects. You can find my background at http://livebetterthanabillionaireon5dollars.blogspot.com/2005_08_30_livebetterthanabillionaireon5dollars_archive.html/.

May God bless you.

Donald W. Mitchell, Your Dream Concierge

Copyright 2005 Donald W. Mitchell